Strange, Aren't We?
by Eternally Ebony
Summary: AU. Their odd relationship began with snowballs. Possible ZADR in future chapters.
1. Beginnings

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

Their odd relationship began with snowballs.

Dib was six at the time, Zim four. The elder of the two was walking through the park around mid-January when he noticed snowballs raining down on the people walking in front of him. His own curiosity and sense of justice compelled him to climb that hill, seek out the thrower of the snowballs, and tell him off (or just blow a raspberry at him) for throwing snowballs at innocent people. The trek was harder then he thought it to be, because of the snow covering the hill. But he made it, and snuck into the snow-made fort structure to give the thrower a piece of his little mind.

So imagine his shock when he found the attacker was a boy younger than him.

The child had green skin, a sickly green at that. His eyes were a stormy gray color, and held more intelligence than a child that age should possess. His hair was unusually stiff, looking more like a wig. But Dib, young and naïve, didn't care for these facts. He only cared that the younger boy was throwing snowballs at innocent people, disturbing their peaceful walks.

Dib got over his shock and scowled like his father did to intimidate. "Just whataya think yer doin?" He snapped at the green child.

Said green child dropped his snowball, turning speedily in surprise. He hadn't expected anyone to actually infiltrate his fortress of doom and terror! ...but this boy had. So, he inquired, "Can I help you, monkey?"

The elder boy didn't get the part about calling him a monkey, but asked, "Why are you throwing snowballs at these innocent people?"

"Innocent?" The green boy scoffed, "I only hit bratty kids, annoying teens, and uptight adults. I never hit babies or old people. And I don't hit people who look nice. Just the mean ones," Dib raised one of his eyebrows. Mean ones? A lot of the people he saw get hit didn't look mean.

"Whatever, you still have to stop," The other boy moaned in annoyance and displeasure.

"Aw, do I have to? Some of these stupid people have funny reactions! One guy ran around in circles for an hour going on about something called the 'apocalypse'," Although that did sound funny, Dib informed the kid that he couldn't do that. "Stuffed shirt," He mumbled.

Dib growled. "Oh, so I'm a stuffed shirt, am I?" He picked up the younger (and shorter) child by the collar, grabbed a bucket full of snow (for future snowball construction), and poured the entire thing down the male child's pink (Pink? Really?) shirt, earning a shout of surprise and -pain?- from the younger boy. "Who's the stuffed shirt now?" Dib remarked as he promptly dropped him and the child got up, seething with rage.

"You." He pointed while he spoke the single word, uttering it like a sea man utters a curse upon another sea man. "You have crossed the unappreciated line between nuisance and meanie." Odd that he'd use those particular words together. "You have invoked the wrath of ZIM! From this day forward, uh, what's your name?"

"Dib"

"From this day forward, Dib, I shall subject thee to torture EVERYDAY until you apologize," Dib scoffed at Zim, wondering what kind of parent would name their kid _**that**_. Then again, his named him Dib. Still, he didn't believe the younger boy.

"Pfft, yeah right, you'll forget about it by tomorrow"

"No I won't!" Zim retorted.

"Yeah, you will!"

"No, I won't!"

"Yeah, you will!" They continued on like this until the Professor called Dib back to him, his wife, and their other child, their daughter Gaz. Dib finished with "Yeah, you will. Now I gotta go, my mom and dad are waiting!" He was going to run over to his parents, but caught the look of confusion from the younger boy. "Something up?"

"Huh? Oh, no I won't," When that turned out not to be the answer Dib was looking for, the green skinned boy had him repeat the question, and he responded, "What's a mom and dad?" Dib stared at him. Did he not have parents?

Dib explained that a mom (or mother) was a female who gave birth to you, and did nice things for you, and spent her time in the house, and that a dad (or father) was a male who helped mom give birth to you and teaches you stuff and protects you from the scary things. Zim nodded, a look of understanding upon his face. Dib noticed for the first time that he had no nose... or ears. He decided to be polite and not mention it.

"Do you have parents?" He asked instead, and was relieved when Zim nodded.

All of a sudden, Zim turned around. Two tall figures (he couldn't make them out due to the distance) were beckoning someone (twenty bucks says it's Zim) to join them. Zim smiled, informing Dib that the torture begins tomorrow, and took off, joining the two tall figures. He was very short compared to them.

The next day, Dib woke up to find his window (which was always locked) open, a -very smelly- squid attached to his face (he almost screamed because of it), and a note on his dresser. The note read, _I told ya so! Prepare for more torture! -Zim._

Dib made two goals that day: to get Zim back, and to get a better lock for his window. With those thoughts, he went to -what else?- take a shower, then to plot Zim's destruction.

The tale of how two unlikely heroes met. Dib and Zim. Normal and not so much. Who knows what could happen?

**...Behold. My newest story. Yay. Okay, I'm kinda bummed cause I wanted it to be longer...**

**Still, a review would be nice...**


	2. The End of Animosity

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

**NOTE: I almost deleted this story out of embarrassment, then decided I didn't care what you people think. It's MY story and I can mess it up however I want. Point for self-confidence! **

**WARNING: Implied yaoi and mentions of Mpreg**

As time went on, Dib began seeing odd things when he was around his rival. That weird green kid; Zim. For one thing, sometimes if he was unbalanced his hair would look like it was going to fall off. Then Zim would straighten it. Another time he found Zim playing around with his eye. He used the excuse there was something in it, but Dib didn't fall for it.

Another strange thing: Dib had never seen Zim's parents in person. Sometimes he would hear their voices, and other times he would see their outlines when they called Zim back. But he had never seen them up close. In a way, it was like they didn't exist. Zim would never talk about them; not that Dib would ask.

Speaking of Zim, his pranks seemed to get more and more complex and harmful with each passing day. Once, Dib opened his closet and found his clothes replaced with ones made of Poison Ivy. Another time Zim had snuck into his classroom and took every screw out of his teacher's desk, and they somehow ended up in Dib's desk.

Worse, his parents didn't seem to notice the weird boy. If anything, they welcomed him into their home as they would a guest. Dib almost -keyword almost- believed his parents were in on it with Zim, but decided that didn't make any sense. He settled for 'They are just oblivious'.

And never, not even once, had he been able to find Zim's home. Well, not until one day close to a year after they met. Dib's birthday, actually. The daily prank Zim pulled had been a gift full of some green glowing material that made his skin burn. But unlike the last three hundred forty-five days Zim had been torturing him, the alien got sloppy; Dib saw him running away from the party. While the adults fussed over the radioactive goop, Dib snuck off, following the alien.

Zim didn't seem to notice his stalker; probably too bust reveling in the success of his 'harmless' prank. Dib scowled. Of course, it wouldn't be the grudge-holding weirdo otherwise. Twists and turns were taken often, and Dib found himself struggling to keep up. They ended in a cul-de-sac, with Zim approaching a strange green house at the end of the circular road. It was as odd as the resident, Dib noticed, with it's glowing outside and how it looked like something you'd see a long time ago.

Dib hid behind the fence as Zim walked up the sidewalk, and into the house. Being careful, Dib trudged across the lawn, trying to ignore the fact that the Lawn Gnomes seemed to be staring at him. He hid underneath the window sill, staring in. There was Zim, walking in, but not putting that backpack he always wore in some designated place, like a normal person. Instead, he walked forward. Through the cracked open window, Dib could here him call to unknown family members, announcing his presence.

"MASTAH! MASTAH!" Before Dib's widened eyes, a green -no, he's not kidding, _GREEN_- dog jumped out of nowhere, tackling the boy. He laughed as a normal person would as the dog licked him.

"GIR! GIR GET OFF!" The boy laughed, pushing his pet off of him.

Gir, as the dog had been dubbed, nodded and backed off. "Sorry, mastah."

"That's alright, Gir." He pet the strange dog's head affectionately. At that moment, two more figures -the same ones who always picked Zim up- showed their figures at the door. The outlines moved in, revealing they both had Zim's green skin. But unlike Zim, neither had hair. Instead, they had thin black antennae. And their eyes were different colors; one red, one purple.

The child looked up from Gir, noticing the two for the first time. His expression, playful around Gir, now was serious, as though he were addressing a Lord. "Paternal Unit, Maternal Unit. Greetings." Now Dib definitely knew these were Zim's parents. The respect he was showing them must have been traditional.

"Greetings, Offspring." The one with red eyes addressed the child in an equal manner.

The purple eyed one, at least, seemed to show some sort of sympathy towards his son. "How was your day, Zim?" He seemed to forgo the more traditional and strict manner the other one had with Zim. Dib decided this one was the mother.

Zim jumped at the chance. "I finally got to test out that new conversion machine! It turned all that old garbage you guys couldn't find use for into icky green sludge and I gave it to the Dib as a birthday present! Apparently, these humans find their date of birth something to celebrate." Those words kept playing in Dib's mind. _These humans_...that meant Zim wasn't human. Then what was he? What the other two were?

"You should have seen his face, Maternal Unit! It was hilarious! Torturing my human is a great way to practice lower combat tactics!" Dib became unnerved at the words. My human. His parents, apparently, were too, because they exchanged a glance before turning back to their offspring.

Red eyes spoke. "Uh, should we be concerned that you call him 'your' human?"

"Of course!" Zim declared, making Dib shiver. "He is mine to torture and hurt and maybe someday kill. You told me that." So these non-human things were claiming humans? Well, it was better than his devilish little sister, right?

"We did tell you that," Red eyes sighed. "Return to your quarters, Offspring. We're done here."

"Yes, father."

Dib could sense it. A shift in the atmosphere. The other non-human's eyes widened at the father of the boy. Zim had sensed his mistake, and was covering his mouth with his hands, as though he could take it back. And the father... though he didn't look angry, something he radiated made Dib terrified. Though smarter than most humans, he couldn't sense fury building as an adult could.

The Red-Eyed non-human turned to his son, glaring at him like he'd just done the unspeakable; perhaps he had, Dib had no way of knowing. "What did you call me?"

Zim stuttered for a moment, but eventually found his voice again. "F-father. It's an Earth term; it means Paternal Unit." Dib's heart sank; he had taught Zim that. The red-eyed one stared Zim straight in the eye, not tearing contact.

"Listen closely, child." He sneered. "We are NOT living on this planet. Once you're trained, we're heading back to our homeworld, and you are to be like the others. That means calling us Paternal and Maternal units. Understood?" Zim nodded. "Good. If I find you've picked up another Earth term, rest assure that you **WILL** be punished." Zim took off, presumably to his private quarters.

The Purple-eyed one sighed. "Red, why do you have to be so hard on the kid? He's a smeet; he can't help being-"

"Stupid?" Interrupted Red.

Purple-eyes -Dib decided his name was Purple- glared. "Ignorant. Our smeet is young, not stupid. And he's proved himself pretty smart. Without any prior training he built Gir." He gestured to the dog, who shed it's green fur, revealing that it was a robot. Something must've snapped, Dib decided, because he wasn't the least bit surprised by this.

"Yeah, and Gir is defective. He acts like he's built of trash."

"He probably is," Objected Purple. "We never gave him anything to work with." Red snared, muttering something that sounded like 'details'. "And he doesn't know better; what he sees will be accepted as normal. It's that simple."

Red sighed. "Listen, I know you've got a soft spot for that boy but don't baby him. I didn't even want the smeet; he could've gone right to the Hatchery but _no_, you had to keep the boy and put everyone in danger! It's his fault we're still on this backwater planet!"

In the background, Dib saw Zim watching from the doorway, hidden from the other two's view. His eyes seemed to be welling up, and Zim took off. In the back, Dib heard something akin to a door slamming.

Leaving the two whatevers to argue, Dib hopped the back fence, spotting Zim huddled into the corner of the yard with his face buried in his hands. Off to the side was his hair and two round things. Gulping and gathering his courage, he called out before he could change his mind. "Uh, Zim?"

Zim looked up, his surprise clear. Dib now knew what the round things were; contacts. Zim's eyes were a shimmering red-violet color, and where his hair had been were now two thin, black antennae to match his parents. His surprised expression told to a cold, emotionless glare. "So, you know my secret. Gonna tell anyone, Dib?"

Dib's response was so sudden, so sure, that even Dib did a double-take. "No."

Zim glanced up, and a flicker of hope danced in his eyes. It was small, but enough to assure Dib of his decision. "I won't tell anyone. And, to stop this stupid war, I officially apologize for stuffing snow down your shirt." Zim frowned.

"But then, who will I torture to learn how Irken combat works?" Dib made sure to memorize the word Irken, and replied:

"We'll torture other people. Have you heard the term 'friend' before?"

"No."

"Well, a friend is like an ally. We help each other and give each other someone to talk to. I'll even help with your pranks... so long as I'm not the victim."

"Of course not, Dib-friend! I'll protect you!"

Dib cocked his head to the left. "But I'm older and bigger than you. How does that work?"

"I'm stronger than you." Well, neither could argue with that logic. About a month ago Dib had retaliated to a prank and Zim had hung him from the flagpole. Though embarrassing, he had to admit it was impressive that Zim could climb that pole by himself with Dib in his grasp.

Dib smiled, shaking his new friend's hand. Little did he know the catastrophic impact that moment; their friendship would have on the rest of the universe.

**And there we go. See why I was embarrassed? Sorry to anyone I disappointed with this story; I'll make up for it with another one, I promise.**

**NOTE: I don't think Irken's cry tears. What Zim was doing was sobbing.**


	3. A Taste of Irken History

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

**NOTE: This is where the majority of the AU kicks in. I've fully transformed the Irkens!... I think...**

Whenever the two hung out together, Zim would always wear his disguise. Which, in truth, wasn't even a good disguise; just contacts and a wig. Yet Zim insisted on wearing them all the time, except for when they were in the tree-house behind Dib's house, because it was the only place they could go without being interrupted. If they were, Zim had time to put his disguise back on.

One day, the two were lying in that tree-house, when Dib asked, "Do you really have to wear that disguise all the time?"

"Of course!" Zim responded. Then his eyes narrowed. "Do you WANT me to be captured by your planet's government?" Though they had been friends for a little while now, Zim was still mistrustful at times, even on occasion accusing Dib of trying to turn him into the Earth government. Accusations Dib always denied.

"No, stupid! It's just..." Dib sat up, looking down at his feet. "Do you miss not having to take that disguise off? Do you miss seeing people of your own kind?" Even at the tender age of seven years old, Dib was more intelligent than most adults. He felt a special kind of empathy with Zim; that someone finally understood him.

Zim sat up, curling into himself. His arms hugged his legs tight to his body. "I... well... you can't miss something you've never had." Dib stared blankly at him. "I was born on Earth, Dib; I've never set foot on Irk."

"Irk?" Dib repeated, blinking in surprise. Zim never talked about his people.

"The Irken home planet. I've never been there, but my parents have. Sometimes my mother- I mean, Maternal Unit- tells me stories about what it's like there. My Paternal Unit never talks about it." He looked down at the worn wooden floor of the tree-house.

Dib decided to push further. "What's it like? Irk, I mean."

"Well, it's a pretty uniform planet. Everyone where's what they're supposed to wear, do what they're supposed to do. There's no media, no movies and video games; but people live on anyways. They have jobs, get married, and have children. Smeets go to school, adults work for the better of the empire, and the Tallest make sure everything is going smoothly." Zim didn't look at Dib. He seemed to be lost in his own world.

"The Tallest?" Dib questioned. Zim looked up at him with hurt eyes and, for a moment, Dib felt guilty. Then he smiled and turned to look out the window.

"The Tallest are our leaders."

"Your leaders are just taller than everyone else?" Dib asked in disbelief. This coming from the society that traveled the stars.

"No," Zim shook his head. "It used to be like that, though. Then, one day, a hero overthrew them and started a monarchy. They still call themselves the 'Tallest' out of respect for the old leaders, even if they're not the tallest people on the planet.

"The Tallest duties are to govern the empire, which consists of three different solar systems; lead the military; perform the initiation ceremony for higher military and government ranks; and occasionally act as judges during certain court cases, like when the prosecuted is a high-ranking official, or when the case involves a planet wide controversy." Zim laid back down, resting his head on his arms. "Yep, they're pretty busy Irkens."

Dib nodded. "Yeah..."

Zim suddenly shot up, grabbing his disguise. "Shoot! It's late! I've gotta get home!"

Dib didn't bother to get up; this was always how their days together ended. With Zim running out suddenly, having to get home. "Okay. See you tomorrow?"

Zim was about to nod, then paused. "No. Meet me tonight in the park. There's something I wanna show you." Dib raised an eyebrow, but didn't question it. Actually, he couldn't. Zim was already gone.

* * *

Later that night, Dib snuck out of his bedroom window. It wouldn't have been the first time he snuck out to hang with Zim. And it was always worth it. The first time he snuck out, Zim took him flying in a space ship! Sure, they never left Earth's atmosphere, but it was exciting, just flying around. Though Zim didn't show it, he was exhilarated, too. If Dib had to guess, he'd say Zim stole it for a joyride.

He didn't run to the park. He knew that no matter how fast he ran Zim would be there, waiting for him. He ALWAYS beat Dib to places, and the young human couldn't figure out how quite yet. Probably some sort of alien tech.

At the park, Dib found his assumptions were right; Zim was right there, waiting for him at the top of the hill where they first met. Being summer, he wasn't wearing a coat or anything like that this time around. He just stood there, staring up into the sky.

"Hey!" Dib ran up to his friend, but froze when he got close.

Zim wasn't wearing his disguise.

He wasn't even ATTEMPTING to hide the blunt alienness of his appearance.

Zim turned to him, coming out of the strange trance he had been in moments prior. He smiled at the boy he called friend. "Hey, Dib! Come up here!"

Hesitantly, Dib climbed the hill, wondering what Zim had called him here for. The Irken seemed kind of distant tonight. At the top of the hill, Zim gave Dib a sad sort of smile. Then he looked up, staring into the night sky. He pointed to a seemingly random star.

"THAT," He began, "Is where Irk is supposed to be. I asked my parents about it." He sat down on the ground, with Dib sitting next to him. "Ya know, once my training's finished, I'm going back to Irk."

"Why are you here in the first place?" Dib asked, then immediately tried to correct his mistake, "I mean, not that I don't want you hear, but..."

To his surprise, Zim laughed. "Relax, Dib-friend." He looked back up. "I'm not sure, to be honest. Once I asked my Paternal Unit about it, but he told me to sort through the trash. And then, he threw me down the trash chute." Dib winced. "My mother, however, told me something big is going on at Irk, and she and Paternal Unit had to get away to protect me, cause I hadn't been born yet."

Dib frowned, trying not to snort. Zim's father didn't see the younger boy as anything but a nuisance, from Dib's point of view.

"When you go back... you'll visit me, right?" Dib asked, turning to Zim with a nervous frown. Zim met his glance with a smile.

"Of course, man. We are friends." They continued to stare up at the sky. A red streak crossed their line of view, speeding towards Earth. "Hey, check it out! A shooting star!" Dib pointed at it. Zim's eyes narrowed.

"Right..." Dib was too excited to notice the gears in Zim's head grinding in motion.

Smiling, Dib closed his eyes and pressed his hands together. Zim watched with curiosity. When Dib opened his eyes, Zim was frowning at him.

"What was that about, dude?"

Dib stared at him innocently. "What? On Earth, people wish on shooting stars."

"Oh," Silence. And then... "So, what did you wish for, then."

Dib giggled. "I can't tell you. Otherwise, the wish won't come true." He rolled onto his side to face Zim. The alien met his gaze, sour at first, before lightening up. He turned back to the sky, deep in thought as Dib continued to watch for any other shooting stars.

The two headed home after some time. Dib saw Zim off there at the park. Since they lived in different directions, neither bothered to see the other home. At his house, Dib climbed back into bed. He smiled, then frowned, the image of Zim's distracted face popping into his head.

Was he really that homesick?

But then he remembered that Zim had never been to Irk before, and that he'd only been so distracted after seeing the shooting star. He saw something Dib hadn't, the boy knew. Yet he hadn't said anything. What was he keeping from Dib?

In the end the child fell asleep musing on it. Too young and innocent to understand the impact the runaway family could have on his family by merely being there. Too naïve to wonder about the secret Zim was keeping from him.

He couldn't understand just yet. And maybe this was the way Zim wanted it.

…**okay, that could've gone... better? Worse?**

**It was just two boys hanging out. Maybe something interesting will happen next chapter... or maybe I'm just torturing you. You'll never know...**


	4. Meet Gir, The Green RobotDog

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

When Dib had first seen the strange thing, it had been through Zim's front window. The robot had been wearing a green dog disguise, which didn't make sense because it was never outside, anyways. Then, it had shed it's skin, revealing a gray robot with glowing blue eyes. The thing was called 'Gir' and, according to Zim's 'Paternal Unit', it was defective. That had been the only time Dib had seen the odd robot.

Well, until today, that is.

Large eyes blinked as Zim stood in front of him, holding a leash with that same green dog at the other end. It was sticking it's tongue out stupidly and staring up at him, "Uh, Zim? Why did you bring your... pet?"

"Pet isn't the word I'd used," Zim responded, "My Parental Units told me to get rid of Gir for the day. I could only oblige. I mean, they're my parents. What else was I supposed to do?"

"So... you brought him with you?"

Zim rolled his eyes, "Would you rather I leave him be in the park? Yeah, that will definitely go over well."

"Touche," Dib acknowledged, "So what are we gonna do with him?"

"How should I know?" Zim looked down to Gir, who was scratching himself.

Finally, after a while of listening to them bicker, Gir stated loudly, "I'm hungry! Mastah, can we go get food?"

Dib jumped, startled. He had known the 'dog' could talk, but hearing it up close was really something different. His voice kind of had an electronic edge, but was much more juvenile than Dib would have guessed. Then again, the last time he'd heard him talk was months ago, and even then he hadn't been paying much attention to the dog.

Yes, because when you discover a family of aliens hiding in your town from some intergalactic war, the thing you focus on is their pet dog/robot.

"Uh... there's a food stand not far from here. I'm sure it'll have SOMETHING you're robot likes," Dib couldn't stop staring at it, imagining how he knew Gir looked without the green dog disguise.

"Do they have WAFFLES?" Gir asked.

Dib blinked, wondering whether he had heard right, "Um, no."

The green menace started screaming. A loud, piercing sound that made Dib cover his ears and Zim grab at where he knew the alien's lekku were hidden. Gir's scream was sharp, high-pitched, and steady. If he had to guess, Dib would say it could last for several hours.

"ALRIGHT! We'll go somewhere else for waffles!" Dib managed to shout above the screaming. Gir suddenly stopped, resuming his stupid grin.

"YAY! I like waffles," Gir stated in triumph. The human turned and stared blankly at Zim.

"What did you expect?" The Irken asked, "I built him out of broken parts and garbage."

* * *

After another quick debate, they decided Dib should go in and get the waffles, while Zim stayed outside with Gir. The human went in and managed to stand in line for almost three minutes before he heard a scream coming from outside. An all too familiar one. Forgetting the waffles, he ran outside.

When he found Zim, he was lying on the ground, dirt covered with his wig slightly askew. Dib couldn't help it, the sight made him burst out laughing. The Irken glared before picking himself up and brushing himself off, "Well, I'm glad I could provide your daily amusement. In the meanwhile, Gir is probably somewhere in the city causing mayhem, destroying property, and endangering innocent people."

The mere thought was enough to make Dib stop laughing.

"So?" Zim pressed, "What are we gonna do?"

"We? He's your robot!" Dib snapped back.

"Fine," Dib tossed a look of confusion at the Irken, "Then I'll just go home and ask my parents for help. I'm sure-" He didn't even need to finish his sentence. Dib was already dragging him down the street, calling out for Gir.

To say they didn't have a lot of luck was putting it mildly. Though people had seen Gir, they didn't know where he went or which direction to go in. Most were just scattered sightings and glances that didn't mean anything anyway. For all they know, the people they had asked hadn't really seen the robotic pet.

The biggest clue they got came from a hobo in an alleyway. He saw them walking by and asked, "Hey, kids, ya got any money?"

The human boy went on guard. He had been taught not to associate with people like this. Zim, however, hadn't been taught to avoid strangers and responded, "No, we don't have any monies," One of Dib's eyebrow raised. Monies? "We're looking for my dog. Small; green; a little odd; possibly talking. Ya seen him?"

The hobo struggled to remember, "I dunno, my memories a bit hazy. If I had some monetary encouragement, however..."

Dib saw where this was going, and tossed the hobo his watch. The smelly old man grinned, stating, "Now I remember. Saw a green puppy with his tongue sticking out stupidly running towards Central Park," He eyed the boys, debating whether or not they could be of anymore use to him, "Hey, green kid, come here..."

Zim began to approach him. Dib, having been taught about these dangers, pulled a bar of soap out of his pocket, yelling, "Bad hobo! Bad! Go away!" The hobo hissed like a cat and ran off to try to solicit money from more naive children.

He then turned to his friend, "Stay away from those kinds of people. They're dangerous."

"Kay," Zim responded, not really committing to it.

The children ran to Central Park, calling out Gir's name. They didn't stop, minus one point where Zim had mistaken a cat for Gir and chased after it. That had ended with Zim getting clawed in the face. Dib chased off the cat with a spray bottle. Moments later, they were back on Gir's trail.

They ended up finding the troublesome robot at the park. Zim and Dib were walking through it when they heard a male voice screaming. The disguised pinkish eyes of Zim and Hazel eyes of Dib met, as they both knew what the screaming was probably about.

The man had been barbequing when Gir had tackled him, demanding food. The freaked out man cried out, trying to whack Gir off with his spatula, while his family nearby was screaming, huddled together on top of a picnic table. Zim ran up to the dog, shouting, "Bad Gir! Bad! You should know better than that!" Upon seeing that this had no effect, he turned to the man, "Sir, just give him some meat! He'll leave you alone!"

"And waste one of my prime cuts on THAT mutt?" The man snorted, ignoring Zim's glare, "No way!"

Zim sighed, then in the strictest, most emotionless voice Dib had ever heard, shouted, "GIR! FRONT AND CENTER, RIGHT NOW!"

The dog stopped, jumping in front of Zim and saluting, "Sir, yes, sir!"

The man blinked, then returned to grilling as though nothing had happened. The sight sickened Dib slightly. Zim had once told him how stupid he thought most humans were -stating, of course, that Dib was an exception- and found it hard not to disagree with the statement. Of course, he'd never let Zim know this.

He could picture the victory smirk on the alien's face if he ever told him. Nope, definitely not happening.

* * *

By the time they'd found Gir, fed him waffles to keep him from exploding, and convinced Gir to let them reattach his leash, it was sunset. Zim had to go home.

The two saw each other off as usual. Zim frowned at the ground, "Sorry today was so messed up. Now you see why I never bring Gir around."

"Hey, it's not a problem," Dib smiled kindly, "Besides, your parents told you to take him, remember?"

The mention of Zim's parents brought the alien down, "Man, they're gonna kill me."

"How would they even know?" Dib objected.

"My father -err, Paternal Unit- has a way of knowing everything," He sighed, "I am gonna be in SO much trouble. Don't be surprised if you don't see me tomorrow."

"It won't be that bad," Dib shook his head, "Besides, your mom seems nice. She'll probably keep him from hurting you."

"I hope so," Zim then smiled, "It was nice hanging out with you!"

"You too. Good luck at home!"

"Bye!" Dib watched the alien bound off, with that childish smile on his green face. The revelation shook him slightly. No matter how grown up he seemed, Zim was still a child, younger than he was. He was afraid of getting in trouble, took care of a pet, and enjoyed the simple things in life. In some ways, Dib was more mature than the young Irken. The memory of his tear-stained face came into view.

Of course, this only served to remind the boy that Zim needed him as much as he needed Zim. It was that simple.

**So, that ended well. This was mostly just a humor/friendship fluff chapter. The plot (Le gasp! There actually is one!) will start soon enough, I promise!**

**I'd like to thank the readers and (especially) the reviewers for supporting this story, which is way different from the kind I usually do. So, uh, hope you enjoyed this.**


	5. From The Balcony

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

"Come on! Can't catch me!"

Laughing and running along the roads was Zim, a large grin spread across his face. Dib came along behind him, equally entertained. With the craziness of having an alien as a friend, it was rare for either of them to have actual fun. Normally, it was Dib helping Zim clean up his messes before his parents found out or Zim trying to improve Dib's life... which usually failed epically. Point being, it was one of those rare times when they got to do something normal children do: Play tag.

"Oh, yeah?" Dib smirked evilly, running slightly faster "We'll see about that!" With the gentle increase of speed, it didn't take long for Dib to catch his alien friend and tackle him to the ground. They wrestled around a bit, laughing. The mock-fight, as always, ended with Zim sitting on Dib, "Hey, get off!"

"Hmm..." Zim pretended to think about it, sticking his tongue out of his mouth so that it touched the corner of his lip, "Nope."

Dib's mock-glare turned real, "Come on, off! You're heavy!"

"Was that an insult?" Zim grinned down at Dib, who groaned. He wasn't getting up anytime soon, was he. Or at least, so he thought. Zim's grinning face changed expressions; it went to a grave one. He got off Dib pointing into the distance, where a large cloud of smoke rose up into the air, "Hey, isn't your living quarters in that direction?"

The words only made Dib's eyes widened as he stared off into the distance, horrified. Without warning, he bolted towards the pillar of smoke, ignoring Zim's cries to come back. When the Irken realized he wasn't listening, Zim groaned and ran after him, trying to keep up with Dib's speed.

They arrived at the old family house several moments later. Sure enough, the large pillar of smoke was coming from his house. Flames engulfed it, turning the once proud house into a stack of flaming wood. Zim, almost hesitantly, looked at Dib. His face was surprisingly calm and void of expression. Seeing this, he prepared himself and grabbed Dib's waist as he tried to run into the burning building, holding him back as he cried and struggled to get free.

"Dib!" Zim cried, struggling. Not that he wasn't stronger than Dib; Dib was moving around so much it was hard for Zim to keep his grip, "Stop it! You can't do anything! Just stop!" Ignoring his friend's words, Dib kept struggling. He only stopped when the sound of wood colliding made them both stare at the house.

There, in a burnt up lab coat, was Dib's father. He coughed a little, but rushed out to the front yard and collapsed. Gaz, who had been in his arms, crawled out and curled into herself. She was roughly the same age as Zim, but was still the baby of the family, and was treated as such. When Membrane finished coughing, he looked up, spotted his son, and ran over to him. Dib pulled out a stunned Zim's grip and ran to his father, hugging him.

"Now, there, there," He patted Dib's head, "It's alright," Zim, confused, cocked his head to the left. He remembered, from that day in the park, that Dib had clearly said 'mother' and 'father'. He looked back at the burning house. Already Dib's response was pieced together in his head. As it played out next to him, he mouthed Dib's words.

"Where's mom?" The human boy asked, staring up at his dad with tears in his eyes. The man just tightened his hold on his son, and pulled his daughter into the hug.

He spoke, barely holding back tears of his own, "Your mother is- was in the basement when the fire happened. The safety doors lock whenever the house is put on alert..." He trailed off. Dib just nuzzled into his father's crying.

"Why?" Dib said finally, "WHY?"

Gaz didn't say anything, having not been very close to her mom. She just watched the fire burn behind her father, the light reflecting off her eyes. She wasn't crying, nor scared. She just... stood there, unresponsive.

Zim, from his spot next to them, could only watch as Dib's father carried him away, and the siren's from the firetrucks arriving as they speak filling his ears. He watched them leave. He watched the men arrive and put out the fire. He watched them pull out a woman's dead body, scorched and blackened by the fire and soot. And when they all left, he entered the remainder of the house, grabbed a blackened piece of wood, and left.

He went home without speaking. Today just wasn't the day for petty words.

* * *

Red had never been a very understanding Irken. Which is why, when Zim arrived home, he was bombarded with questions, most regarding the soot and ash left over on his uniform from when he entered the burnt up house. It was disrespectful in Irken culture to ignore an older person when they were talking with you, but Zim didn't respond to any questions until Red grabbed his shoulders and turned him around violently.

"Listen, you," He stated, anger seeping into his voice, "You know it's against our culture to ignore me. Now answer my questions!"

"Alright!" Zim snapped, then shrunk away. In a more dignified voice, he relayed what had happened to the Dib's house... leaving out the parts about him and Dib playing together. The older Irken just stared at him with an unchanging expression throughout the entire tale, then commanded him to go to his room. Zim's antennae fell, "But-"

"Now, Zim," The Irken sighed, walking towards the stairwell. Before he began walking up, he placed a small device on the wall, looked back to make sure no one saw, then ran up to his room as fast as he could. All the while, Red didn't notice. He called for Purple to enter the room.

From his room, Zim turned on a small device. At first, there was static, but then he heard, clear as day, his Maternal Unit's voice, _"What's so disturbing about a house burning down?"_ It appeared Red had relayed the story to Purple. Or at least a summarized version.

"_Don't you see?"_ Red's voice was harsh, angry. It made Zim flinch, _"All our years of hiding- wasted! They've found us!"_

There was a brief shuffling, and then Purple responded, _"Don't you think that's a bit far-fetched? They wouldn't have attacked a random home!"_

"_It wasn't a random home, it's where Zim spends all his time! They're trying to use HIM to get to US! I told you raising a smeet was a bad idea!"_ Despite not being the first time he'd heard this, Zim's antennae flattened and his eyes watered, _"Sooner or later, they're going to realize they burnt down the wrong house and come after us! We-"_ At this point, Zim turned the device off. The only thing they would take about now would be defensive strategies.

Two claps, a "Gir!" and the robot jumped up out of it's place in the closet, "I'm off to see Dib. If my Paternal Units come for me, make an excuse or something," By the time he was finished with this, he was already climbing out the window.

Gir saluted, his eyes glowing red for a moment, as he responded, "SIR, yes, SIR!" Then his eyes went blue and he started rambling about monkeys. Zim didn't pay any attention to this. He was already half-way down the street.

* * *

"Alright, now you two will share a room while I sleep next door," Professor Membrane, now cleaned up, told his children, "If you need anything, I will be next door on the phone with my insurance agent. Hopefully, we'll be in a new house by the end of the week," And so, he walked out, leaving the two kids alone.

Gaz drank from her juice box, while Dib just sat on his bed and stared at the ceiling .His mind was blank except for two things: His mother and his best friend. If it hadn't been for Zim, he would have been there during the fire, too. Would he have shared the same fate as his mother? Would dad have pulled him out as he had Gaz? Would-

"Hey, dufus," Gaz called, "Your friend is hanging off the balcony."

"Okay, thanks Gaz," A pause, "Wait, _what?"_ He bolted to the balcony that conjoined their room with their father's and looked off the edge. There, hanging from the statue was Zim. Dib stared at him in slight disbelief. How the heck did he scale the twenty stories to his room? Come to think of it, how did he know where Dib was?

Zim glared at him, "Are you gonna let me fall or help me up?" The words snapped Dib out of his stupor long enough to pull Zim up onto the balcony. The Irken brushed off his clothes, mumbled a brief thanks, and looked around the hotel room, "Huh, so this is where you're staying," With the curiosity of a young child -Which Zim was, Dib supposed- he searched through the room, examining objects of interest.

Finally, Dib got annoyed enough to ask, "Did you come here just to turn my hotel room inside out?" He gestured to the mess, "Or do you have an actual reason? If you're here to play, then go home," Dib looked down sadly.

The words reminded Zim of why he was here, "Oh, right!" He turned to his friend, "You may want to sit down."

"I'm fine standing," He did sit down, however, when Zim sent him a glare.

Zim sighed, reaching into his backpack and holding out a piece of burnt up wood. To be precise, it was a piece of Dib's staircase. The object was placed in front of him, "I used this item to determine the cause of the fire. You're not going to like it," Zim sighed, then got on with it, "The fire was cause by a G470-Blaster in D mode. Meaning, the person responsible knew how to handle Irken tech."

Dib blinked as the words sunk in, "Wait, are you saying an _Irken_ caused the fire?" Zim nodded, "But- how- why?"

"I spend so much time at your Living Quarters that they assumed it to be mine, meaning they destroyed it to try to kill my parents," He sighed, "I heard them talking about it," For a while, there was nothing but silence. That silence ended with a harsh slap echoing through the air.

Zim held his aching cheek as Dib glared, "It-it's your fault! I shouldn't have made friends with an alien! You-" his voice cracked, "You lead them here. You let them kill my mom."

"Dib... I-"

"GET OUT!" The human cried, "AND DON'T LET ME SEE YOU AGAIN!" Zim nodded. Walking out of the room through the front door. Dib watched the door for a second, before plopping onto his bed and sobbing his broken heart out. Gaz looked back at her sobbing brother in pity before walking out onto the balcony to escape his tears.

Outside, Zim walked away from the hotel, his thoughts still on his friend... if they were still friends, that is, "Stupid Dib... I'm not the one who burned his quarters down," His cheek still ached from the slap, and his chest was aching now, too. When he got home, he'd have to ask Gir to give him a examination.

And then, a bright light was seen out of the corner of his eye. Zim didn't bother trying to move out of it's path. When it hit, he gasped out of pain and crumpled to the ground. The last thing he saw before the world went black was an Irken bending over him, smirking and whispering in a strange voice, "Sleep tight..."

And from the balcony above, Gaz watched the entire thing with neutral eyes and a hard stare.

**Wow, actual plot advancement! I am on a ROLL! **

**NOTE: Zim did some sort of analysis on the wood. That's how he figured out what caused the fire. And Irk does have technology like that... in my story.**

**And for those of you who are mad at Dib for slapping Zim: Don't be. His mom's dead, his best friend is all but telling him it's his fault... what would you have done?**


	6. To The Rescue!

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

"Zim?"

Purple knocked lightly on the door again, attempting to get his offspring's attention. Beside him, Red rolled his eyes. The child had been behaving oddly lately, but this surely took the cake. Disobeying a direct order from his Paternal Units to open his room? Inconceivable! But then again, the young defect was certainly full of surprises...

After yet another unanswered knock, Red took over for Purple, "Zim, we're coming in! Don't even try to resist!" The door slammed open, and the two adult Irkens were greeted with a strange, yet not completely unexpected, sight. Gir was sitting on the floor, cracking open peanuts, and then eating the peanut shells, throwing the peanuts away. Both cocked their heads to the same side, confused. Then Red approached it, "Little defective robot?"

"Yes?" Gir looked up, smiling in a disturbing manner that didn't surprise Red in the least.

Red smiled as pleasantly as he could, "Where is Zim?"

Gir's grin seemed to get wider, if that was even possible, "Mastah left to warn Dibby about the aliens that killed his mom!" He then looked around widely, his smile completely fading, before leaned forward, prompted Red to lean forward too, and whispered in the taller Irken's ear, "But don't tell anyone. His parents aren't supposed to know," Then Gir pulled away and resumed his mad grin, "MY PEANUTS ARE SALTY!"

"That's nice," Red commented offhandedly, turning back to Purple. The Irken's worst fears were confirmed with not the scared look on his face, but the determination in his eyes, "Purple, no. We have to get off the planet-"

"But he's my SMEET!" The purple-eyed Irken exclaimed, as though he was being asked to give up his PAK.

Red sighed, "He's my offspring too, but-"

"Really?" Purple snapped, a long boiling anger being barely contained, "I hadn't noticed," and before Red could even comment on that, Purple climbed out the window, onto the front lawn, and sped across the road, gaining not one strange look from the neighbors. With a halfhearted sigh, Red picked Gir up by it's antenna and followed suit, again not gaining one strange look from the neighbors.

* * *

Dib stared down at the carpet, "Stupid Zim. Stupid G470-Blaster in D mode. Stupid Irkens. Stupid _life_!" Letting out a frustrated Sigh, Dib plopped back on the pillow. Gaz looked up from her game at him, obviously annoyed and unsympathetic.

"Wow, you figured out how I view you. Now shut up!" She then turned back to her game, the images dancing around in her eyes as her focus shifted back to her character and the enemies surrounding him.

Her brother shot up, staring daggers at his little sister, "Gaz our mom just died- no, was just _murdered_- and you're playing video games like nothing happened? How could you!" The game paused. Gaz stared up, her glare hard, and her brother realized his mistake moments before he was shoved violently into the wall.

"Listen, Dib," She said each word slowly and coldly, to make sure he got the message, "She was my mom, too. I miss her as much as you do. We just coop in different ways. And don't you dare insinuate that I don't care about her!" Slightly softer, she added, "Plus, you didn't need to freak out on Zim. He's the one being hunted, after all."

A weight crashed on Dib's shoulders, "I-I-"

"Is this a bad time?" Both children looked up to see a tall person standing in the doorway. He blinked nervously, wringing his three-clawed hands, bluntly ignorant to the differences between the three. Namely the green skin and purple, glowing eyes. Dib blinked.

"PURPLE! WAIT UP!" Another Irken appeared next to the first one, this one breathing harshly. From the way he was panting, one would be correct to assume he ran all the way here, "Tallest, Purple, why did you have to leave me behind?"

The first Irken, Purple, glanced unamused at his apparent partner, "I didn't leave you behind, you choose to follow me!"

"Well," The other Irken, whom Dib remembered as Red, held up a finger as if making a point, "You could have told the taxi driver to stop and pick me up."

"I didn't notice you," Purple smirked at his oh-so-clever retort.

Red glared, "How could you NOT notice me? I ran after you screaming and waving my arms!" He then stopped talking to cough, still too out of breath to talk. Purple rolled his eyes, but patted Red on the back anyways. Both Dib and Gaz backed away slowly.

"So, anyways," Purple continued, "We're here to pick up Zim. Is he here?" The Irken scanned the hotel room, as if he could spot Zim hiding somewhere.

Dib looked down guiltily, "I was just about to go looking for him. We had... an argument, of sorts, and he left. I was going to go look for him," Dib sighed, "I have no idea where he is right now."

"I do," Every eye in the room shifted to the sister of the Dib. If she was in anyway affected by the attention, she didn't let on at all, "Some green person shot him from behind and took east. Don't know where, though," Red looked automatically to Purple, who in turn looked ready to faint dead away. Dib paled, guilt and fear and paranoia all at once overwhelming his seven year old body.

"Oh man," Dib jumped up and started pacing, "Oh man, oh man, oh man. What are we gonna do? We can't go to the police," Dib frowned at the mere thought, "They'd turn you all over to the government. They're stupid, anyway. Alert the Irken military, maybe?"

"Can't," Purple had joined the pacing child, not really sure why he was doing this, but it looked calming, so he joined in, "Irk is light-years away. It would take months just to get one ship here."

The two were interrupted by a clearing throat, "We'll go after him ourselves," They both turned to Red, who had in front of him some sort of holographic computer around his wrist, "Not far outside of town is a signal from an Irken ship. It's faint, which means it's not on. We still have a chance to save him."

"So why are we still here?" Purple asked, "Let's go!" He ran out the door, before rushing back, an embarrassed blush on his face, "I, uh, don't know the way."

"Oh, give me that!" Gaz grabbed the computer from Red, earning a 'Hey!' in return, "It's not far from Dad's lab. I remember how to get there. Come on," She stared at Dib mockingly, "Or are you too chicken to save your only friend?"

Dib glared back, "Of course not! Lead the way!" Gaz walked out the door, the others still following behind her. Little did they know, a small smile had lit her face at her brother's response. Not that she'd ever let him know that, of course. If anyone ever found out she was proud of her older brother, she would have to kill them mercilessly.

**...That includes you, reader. Be wary.**

**Shorter, mostly just filling the space b/w the capture and the rescue. Gir wasn't in the second part because Red got annoyed with him and turned him off. So there.**


	7. Infiltration

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

"...smeet help us find the Tallest?"

"You'll see, idiot. Everything shall go according to plan. In fact, my plan is already underway. Those morons should be coming for him soon. Is everything ready for our 'guests'?"

"As ready as we can be, captain."

"Well, double-check everything then! This is the closest we've been to capturing them! Any failure will not be tolerated."

"Alright, but if- I mean _when _we succeed, what will do with the brat?"

"I dunno... sell him as a slave, use him for target practice, throw him out the airlock for all I care!"

"Aye-aye, ma'am... one more question."

"Fine, just hurry up!"

"Should he be awake yet?"

Zim's cracked eyes could only make out shapes and shadows, he was so exhausted. One of the blurry figures, the captain, approached with rapid speed.

"Blast! Get more sedatives- put him back under! We can't risk anything going wrong!"

A sharp pain flowed through Zim's arm. The Irken smeet hissed at the sensation, which seemed to please his captor. A pair of purple eyes -far crueler and meaner than his mother's- was the last sight his brain could absorb.

"Good night, sweet prince..."

* * *

The four heroes traveled by taxi to their destination. Red considered the means of travel 'mundane' and didn't stop complaining until Purple threatened to throw him out and make him run the rest of the way. Obviously, the counterpart Irken was tense from the sheer worry. He sat curled up, not physically responsive to anything, other than looking up when Gaz occasionally told the taxi driver where to turn. She remained as cool-headed and neutral as ever. Dib just prayed nobody got her angry.

And the young human himself?

Dib watched out the window, attempting to ignore the chaos behind him. His mind was on Zim; the way the alien had stared at him when his hand collided with the others soft cheek. The sensation was still flowing through his arm.

Gaz poked him roughly in the arm, "We're here," The Membrane Science Facility was the largest of it's kind. Pristine white buildings and a large white dome. A perfect place to hide a ship if you were on a planet of morons... which the Irkens kind of were. Sure enough, just out of sight behind the domed building sat an Irken warship, it's name written in strange lettering on the side.

"The _Obscure_?" Dib translated.

Red rolled his eyes, "Obviously Zim and this... boy hadn't just been pranking each other. Just how much do you know?" He eyed the human child curiously. Dib backed away a few steps.

Gaz and Purple completely ignored the two idiots. They instead analyzed the ship. Gaz used the computer. Purple could tell just by looking at things.

"Hmm... no heating... the engines aren't even on..."

"Not to mention the lack of any outer defenses or interior blockades."

"Somebody _wants_ us to come in, don't they?"

"Probably."

Red looked away from Dib, "So this is a trap?" Purple sighed, but nodded at his partner. The other Irken began pacing just out of sight of the ship's security cameras, "I should've guessed something was up. As I said before, they're using Zim to get to us! You take the humans and get out of here: I'll try to get them to release Zim," The red-eyed Irken made his way towards the front of the ship, but was stopped by a three-finger hand and a steely gaze.

"No," Purple shook his head, "We've been through so much... whatever we do, we do together. That's what we agreed on!"

"I am NOT letting you put yourself in danger!" Red snapped, trying to tear himself away.

"Um, guys?"

"Well, I'm not letting YOU sacrifice yourself like this! There has got to be a better way!"

"Guys!"

"I can't think of any other way! Unless you've got something, we're stuck!"

"HEY IDIOTS!"

Both Irkens turned to Gaz, who stared at them, annoyed, "What?"

"Dib's already gone in ahead. Won't be too long now," She motioned to an open duct, just out of view of the security cameras. Within the ship, Dib crawled forth, determined and deadly. He looked back at the sound of voices, then continued forward.

"Don't you worry, Zim. I'll have us out of here before you know it!"

**Sorry this took so long. Procrastination, writer's block, other stories, etc.**


	8. Mess Hall

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

"So, I was like, 'uh-huh', and she was all like, 'nuh-uh', so I, like, said-"

The older Irken yawned, not caring enough to hide his boredom from his younger college The younger Irken, in fact, seemed not to mind, and continued talking on and on and on about... whatever. The older Irken briefly wondered if _she_ even remembered what she was talking about. The Irkens walked through, not noticing the soft sound of moving metal. They were being payed to patrol these halls, nothing more, nothing less. So, naturally, they didn't do more than walk up and down the corridors.

Seconds after they rounded the corner, the ventilation shaft fell to the ground, creating a slight 'clang'. Dib hopped out of the shaft, scanned the area for possible threats, and moved forward. He was in so much trouble. He left without telling his dad. His sister and the two Irkens waiting outside, where they could easily be overrun and captured. He was infiltrating a ship full of angry Irken guards with angry Irken tech. Yet for some strange reason, all he could think about was Zim.

Was his friend all right? Was he being tortured? Was he blaming Dib? None of these questions had answers. At least, not obvious ones. The one thing that puzzled Dib, though, was why were these Irkens capturing one of their own kind? What use did Zim have? Nonetheless, Zim was in trouble.

Rounding the corner, Dib spotted a terminal of the computer kind. He skid to a stop and hopped up upon the stool used to seat smaller Irkens. The text was in all Irken, but he remembered enough from Zim to crack the code. A few letters and the entire thing translated to a familiar Earthen dialect: English. With no blockade keeping him from the answers, it took little time for Dib to bring up a plan of the ship. Zim was in the prisoner's level, bottom of the ship. Near impenetrable from the outside and internally impenetrable, save for a ventilation shaft that emptied right into the Prison Keeper's office. Unfortunately, that ventilation shaft had one major disadvantage.

It was right over the mess hall, where at least twenty Irkens would be eating at all times. Dib felt like throwing up. It wasn't fair. These things never were.

For a second, Dib considered heading back outside, giving the information to Red and Purple, and simply being done with it. Then he remembered Zim's face, shocked and hurt and with this coldness Dib hadn't seen him possess in such a long time. It made his heart tear in two. He had to be the one to rescue Zim. It was the only way to make things right.

Some time later, Dib was sitting outside the entrance to the mess hall. Irkens came and went, but the place never seemed to be empty or closed. At least half the crew must work somewhere in that kitchen. Zim had told him snacking was an Irken tradition, but this... this wasn't just snacking. This was obsession! Irkens went in and came back out minutes later smothered in chocolate. Some didn't leave for hours. At this point, it wasn't just abnormal— it was kind of creepy.

To gain entrance, each Irken had a card which, when slid in a slot near the door, unlocked it for them to pass. Which meant so long as he failed to possess an Irken card, he wasn't simply getting inside. Then, something peculiar, perhaps downright lucky, happened. A single Irken walked up to the door. Irkens coming to the mess hall seemed to always travel in flocks of two or three but, for some reason, this one had no friends joining it. When he reached out to swipe his card, Dib jumped out and tackled him, knocking them backwards. Dib hit the Irken. The Irken hit a metal wall, sliding downward, unconscious, with a metal thud.

Dib blinked, surprised at his own actions. Then he grasped the card and set the Irken aside. Disguising himself as an Irken was simple enough. Green spray paint from one of his previous adventures with Zim still laid untouched in his backpack. The already pink sack looked like a PAK, Zim had told him once, and would probably fool the other Irkens. Most other aspects would cause no question.

Indeed, when Dib used the pass card and entered the hall, nobody looked his way. Nobody attacked him with pointy things or shot lasers at him. Always a good sign. He slipped through the room, generally unnoticed, making his way to the shaft. He was almost there, just a few more-

"Hey you! New guy!"

And he was toast. Dib turned around and flashed his best 'I'm-smaller-than-you-please-don't-eat-me' smile, "May I help you, sir?"

He ushered Dib to sit down, "Why don't you have a seat here? We could... talk."

Dib, feeling he had no other choice, complied. The Irken female smiled at him as she ranted on about herself. It seemed she was he captain of the vessel, for she wore clothing Zim had mentioned were of the highest honor and smiled kindly the entire conversation. He half-listened and munched on a sandwich she had offered until she mentioned Zim's name.

His heart raced, but he fought and controlled himself, "Huh? Something about Zim?"

"I said the Irken's going to need stronger sedatives. The ones were giving him have a limited effectiveness. Or maybe we need to give him more..." The look in her eyes suggested she was not kidding. Dib found himself spooked, "I mean, he's already woken up twice today, and we're trying our hardest to keep him under control. Luckily," She held up a silver ring, decorated with silver keys of all shapes and sizes, "This is the only key into Zim's cell," She picked out a key, "and it will never leave my sight, never!"

Dib then did the most noble thing any hero could do for their damsel in distress. He gave the captain half of the cherry pie he'd picked. She dug in, thoroughly enjoying the food and, best of all, completely ignoring Dib as he fumbled through the keys and picked out the right one. Whether she even knew he had it or not had yet to be seen.

"So, uh, I'm gonna go now, yeah," He smiled faintly at her, "Thanks for the meal."

"Thanks for the pie," She flashed him a grin before digging in, once again, to her pie. Dib inched away, towards the ventilation shaft which, luckily, had been hidden by a table. Dib slipped under and unlocked it with a screwdriver, then slid through. He made his way through the prison block, checking every room, searching every cell.

When he came to the cell third in the row, he gasped, "Zim..."

The Irken, groggily, looked up at him, "Dib?"

**I have a feeling these are getting shorter and shorter. Well, I'm tired, so THERE.**


	9. The Truth

**Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.**

**Okay, I'm gonna confess right now: When I published this story, I had no idea where it was going. So I'm gonna wrap it up in the next... three or four chapters. Sorry.**

He was tired. Heavy sedation does that to you. So he wasn't sure whether or not the being in front of him -who so much resembled his big-headed old friend- was real. Already he had awoken after heavier and heavier sedation, and each time he woke back up, barely able to think or even keep his eyelids open. Even so, he wasn't quite able to tell reality from fiction yet. Which leads us back to the point of this paragraph: That he had no idea whether or not the Dib in front of him was a hallucination or not.

"Dib?" Zim asked, sounding too tired and weak for his own good.

The human in front of him gasped dramatically, jumping up and hugging the Irken tight, "ZIM! It really is you! I thought it might have been some sort of elaborate trap but it's NOT! You're really here! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have yelled at you! These people are nuts!" Dib kept spouting words, half of which had no meaning and the other half being apologies.

Zim, meanwhile, was trying not to scream out in pain.

Once the human let go, he finally set about cutting Zim's restraints, "I really am sorry, by the way."

"Uh-huh," Zim noted, "I believe that," The short, almost nonchalant responses were created out of exhaustion caused by the sedatives rather than lack of sincerity.

Dib frowned, "Hey, I mean it," By some miracle, he was able to remove all four handcuffs. The Irken dropped down to the floor, hitting the metal ship's deck with a gentle thud. Dib placed one of the green arms on his shoulder, allowing Zim a crutch. The Irken, with little other choice, took it.

Dib aided Zim as they limped down the corridor. Well, Zim limped. Dib just hunched over slightly due to the slight height difference. As they moved, Dib briefed him on the situation, leaving out multiple details that may have been important. Or not, "...and your parents are waiting for us outside," He finished. The Irken suddenly stopped, causing Dib to pull away slightly. Not enough to lose contact, but enough for the Irken to lose his crutch, falling to the floor. Dib tried in vain to stop the fall, only to collide with the metal flooring himself. Both groaned.

"Are you nuts?" Zim groaned, standing. Dib went to help him and was promptly waved off, "Why would you go to my parents for help? They hate humans!" Zim paused, "Well, Paternal Unit does, at least."

"Believe it or not, they came to me," Zim blinked at Dib as he explained the fight with Gaz and the unorthodox arrival of Zim's parents.

By the end of the explanation, Zim was glaring at the older child, "That's something you might want to mention FIRST, Dib-brains."

"Sorry," Dib muttered again. At this point, the word 'sorry' had lost all meaning to either of them.

The cell-block was not heavily guarded, but the ship's captain had probably not anticipated a young human boy to break into her ship and rescue her only prisoner, an even younger Irken boy. Then again, most people would assume Dib's big head was just for show and that Zim was a normal human boy with a skin condition. Humans are stupid. Irkens, as it turns out, are not much more intelligent.

The guard came and made his rounds. What he saw chained up in the cell was a small figure with two dropping antennae, looking downward, his body hidden by the shadows. He nodded and walked away. The real Zim and Dib jumped down from the ceiling, nodding. Behind them, the dummy, made from a bound and gagged Irken guard who had the misfortune of crossing this area first, squealed and squirmed in a futile attempt to get free. For his size and strength, Zim certainly could tie a tight knot.

They raced down the pathway, reaching a doorway that was password protected. Before Dib could make any attempt to hack the door, Zim tore him away, claiming they'd never guess the password, especially since it was in Irken. Instead, they moved further down, where a single guard sat in a desk, asleep. A slight, startling snore, and the two confirmed that it was safe. It also brought their attentions to the garbage chute behind the desk. Zim climbed into it.

"Wait, you mean we really have to-?" Dib flinched at the smell coming from it. It reminded him of socks and tuna and chasing Gir. None of which were pleasant things to image. Zim, with an eye-roll, grabbed the human by the hand and pulled him down the chute. Dib screamed. Zim just sat their, neutral, completely concentrated on escape. So when they reached the bottom, Zim just flew out and landed on the ground. Dib, screaming, flew out and hit his face on a tree.

"Aha, nice one," Zim commented, his eyes half-lidded and his smirk all smirky.

Dib frowned as he attempted to regain his dignity and glared at Zim. Before the two could do anything, though, they were interrupted by a loud, accented cackle off to the side. The sound of it make Zim's antennae flatten, which in turn signaled Dib to glare at the source. Another Irken stepped out from behind the shadows.

"You!" Zim glared, "You sedated me and told me nonsense!"

"She's the captain of this ship?" The only person dumb enough to ask this question was Dib.

Zim snorted, "Duh, Dib-smell! You can clearly see the difference in uniform!"

To the average human, with the average eyesight, the uniforms had no physical difference. And remember, as Dib wears glasses, his eyesight is less than average, so the mistake was he had made, though inconceivable to an Irken, was one any human would have made. Even though Dib is smarter than the average monkey, even he wasn't perfect.

The captain, meanwhile, rolled her eyes, "Sheesh, and THIS is the smart one?" She cleared her throat, "but yes, I am the captain of this ship. Captain Tak of the Doomed. A pleasure to make your acquaintence."

"Well, not an honor for us,"Zim responded.

"Not you two idiots," She snapped back. Her eyes, a bright purple, were pointed at a nearby bush, "The two- three- four of of you can come out now!" Almost hesitantly, Purple, Red and Gaz, carrying Gir, stepped out of the bushes. The two Irkens glare at the other, as if it's some sort of secret greeting. Gaz just stands there, holding Gir, being angry at the world. Because that's just who she is.

Tak's mouth twitched as a smirk took it's shape upon her face, "So nice of you to join us, my Tallest..."

**And thus, the secret is revealed! Shorter chapter, dumber quality, but I'm really not in any mood to care. Be happy I'm updating at all.**


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